BPD

I don't know which things are BPD and which aren't, but the main stuff seems to be the fact that I feel empty a lot, or at least try to, because if I dig down or think about myself I feel bad. Really bad. Depressed bad. I can't take it. For about three years I wanted to commit suicide, and secretly made small cuts in my wrists with a sharp art scraper thingy and, on one occasion, a fish knife when my parents were out. I never feel like I fit in, and my self-esteem fluctuates a lot. It got so bad that I just wanted to see if anyone noticed, and I got the scraper thing and went at the artery in my neck. I couldn't cut with it though, so I was just scraping the skin away. I'd done it because it was too painful to cut my wrists, and I came up with the idea that my neck would be less sensitive. I went at it for maybe 5-10 minutes, methodically scraping and wiping my neck and the blade if they were getting too bloody and I couldn't see the original cut. Then, I felt like something stopped me. Enter my religious conversion, but that's kind of beside the point. I didn't tell anyone for ages, and to my, I don't know, sadness maybe, my family and friends believed me when I said I'd gotten the cut while paintballing. That hurt me more than anything, it took people a few days to notice it at all, and then they forgot about it. I had to tell my friend, eventually. She was supportive, as always, and was the subject for quite a few of my poems around that time. I feel that I owe her my life. Without her, I would've done it again, and probably succeeded, but now I have something to keep me grounded. I still get the thoughts, and the depression, but know I think that I can handle it. It was a rough year. Within one year I was suicidal, Christian and I came out as bi. My friends all know now, and I've tried to teach them that suicide isn't something that dumb people do, it's something that you do when you feel that you have no choice, and you are so low that you don't think that anyone would notice. These are my experiences. I was thought to be attention-seeking, by some people very close to me, and that hurt more than anything else, but really, you have to rely on your friends. That's why I want to get a tattoo designed by my friends when I'm older, because "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves". Thanks.

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Question 1:

I've had stuff nicked (stolen) off me before, so for the past year I've been wondering why. A lot of people must be in desperate situations to be driven to stealing stuff, but sometimes it's just opportunistic. Stuff is left around by absent-minded people who don't think that anything bad will happen. As dumb as it sounds, doesn't it sound worse in your head to think of someone just coming across the stuff and thinking "Here, I'm havin' that"? If anyone reading this has ever felt that impulse or has actually taken anything please just think about it and don't do it again! I know I sound all annoying and like I have a massive superiority complex, but I'm just trying to get across how awful it made me feel when soemeone stole my stuff. It really wrecks the way you think of everything. Please just think about it!! :)

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The Guard

I shall put this very simply, because I know I could just blab on about this for ages, but if you can or if you know an online film site or something, watch The Guard, starring Brendan Gleeson and Don Cheadle. It is amazing!!!!! :) :) :) I'm that excited, people, that excited.

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BPD

I've taken about four different online tests for Borderline Personality Disorder and they've all told me that I have it; and the last one said I had a 'severe' version of it. :P I really, really hope that these quizzes are completely inaccurate! :D if not, well, that'll be interesting, to say the least...still, it seems that no-one's quite 'normal', whatever that is. :P it turns out my friend scored high in the narcissism (apologies for spelling), OCD and anti-social sections of another test. :D

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Four Chords Song - The Axis of Awesome

A really good medley, I can't believe how high Benny can go! They're a great band and fair play to them for playing on the Red Nose Day programme. :)

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Das Geht Ab - Frauenarzt

The music video's kinda strange aber ich liebe Deutsche Musik! :) I apologise to all Germans, as in those few words I probably screwed up the Grammar irreparably. :P Entschuldigung.

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School

I just spent eighty minutes sitting next to a guy who wasn't sure if he'd ever heard of Robert Frost. To put this in context, a) most people in our school have studied Robert Frost for the Junior Cert and b) we ourselves had actually studied him. He's quite well-known as a poet anyway, isn't he? The guy's nice, and all, but I was surprised. I think education's kinda gone down the drain in recent years. More people are into things like blogging, tchah! Wait a second...... :P

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Comments

At this point, I've received a total of one comment, from 149 pageviews. That comment was from my friend, who was, at the time, sitting next to me. I've made it so anyone can comment on it, so I'd like to get some feedback people! It's a bit strange sending out these messages with nothing coming back. I'm not asking for Shakespeare or Yeats (definitely not Yeats, bad experience with his poetry :P) but a line or two would be nice. or a letter. Just a simple '.' even. Come on, I'm begging you, just something! :P

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Parties and Drinking

What is it with a lot of people my age and drink? Going to a party now most people get drunk, or are already drunk when they arrive, and it's so awkward trying to talk to someone who just laughs, falls over and forgets where they are. Can't people look at others like this, or even after just getting drunk once stop it? It's really not fun. I've seen enough people regret everything that's happened, and I've seen people try to take advantage of drunk girls. Honestly, if anybody reading this has been that drunk that they've done something that they don't think they should have, is it honestly worth it?

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